(Washington D.C.) World Bank President Robert Zoelick, who took over that position a few weeks ago, declared Monday that he and his colleagues are exhausted. “We’re tired,” said Zoelick. “I mean, do you have any idea the kind of wherewithal it takes to get shit done in Africa? Do you? Yeah, I didn’t think so.”

The World Bank was created in 1945 to speed up post-war reconstruction and aid political stability. Considering the latter didn’t pan out, current activities of the Bank are focused on the reduction of global poverty, which is achieved through providing low or no interest loans to countries with little or no access to international credit markets.

 “But screw that, I’m done. I’m pooped,” said Jefferson Maher, a human rights activist who has worked on Bank projects across the globe. “Look, I’ve been on the front lines of the Bank’s efforts and the corruption in these countries is endless. Besides, if you had the choice between advancing a devastated society or let’s say, harvesting opium, what would you do?…Hint, the chicks dig the opium.”

Johnny Foosilano, the mail guy at The World Bank, says he has been instructed to burn all of the incoming mail, most of which are official requests for funds. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to trash these stupid heaps of envelopes that come in every day?” asked Foosilano “Trust me, I’m pretty damn excited about setting that crap on fire.”

After shutting down all the funds on Monday, Zoelick bought the Bank’s executives Lear Jets
and private islands in the South Pacific. When questioned about such erratic behavior, he responded, “We’re not in the money lending business anymore. We’re in the wish fulfillment business – of our wishes….If these people want money so badly, have them print their own!”  

World Bank Executive Director Herman Wijffels added, “Why can’t I get a little payback? I did a lot of good, in fact, I did a WORLD of good. Now, I just want to sail the seas and party on my yacht with some Thai women, come on!”

President Bush says that he agrees with Zoelick and his colleagues, “Everybody needs a vacation now and then. Heck, I know when I start counting MY money, I get pretty tuckered out.”