Bin Laden Announces "Al Qaeda Idol"!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007 at 05:06PM 
(Some cave in Afghanistan) The very tall and feared terrorist Osama Bin Laden announced Monday that he will be holding auditions for a spin-off of the hit American show "American Idol".
The goal of this "Idol" is, in 12 weeks, find a replacement for recently deceased leader Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi. And to use any funds from selling the show to fund worldwide operations.
Hundreds of eager insurgents from all over the map have already flooded the mountains of northern Afghanistan. And the rejections have already begun. Arul Dob-Komen, a young Pakistani, left the audition disappointed, "I was rejected because all I know how to do is land a plane. Now I'll have to go home ashamed, empty-handed and marry my fat cousin. Thanks a lot."
22 year-old Faruiz-Hafeez has moved on to the second round. "It was touch and go for a moment. I was doing great in the beheading demo, then I dropped a wire during my explosive-assembly bit, but I made up for it when I mimed a hijacking."
Even though winning would mean eternal fame in the Islamists circles, some contestants are wary. "If I ended up winning this thing, that would mean that I couldn't blow myself up, since I will be leading the missions," said 25 year-old Yemi Sharzeh "And I have been dreaming about wearing that belt since I was a young boy. It's a pickle."
Not surprisingly FOX network executives have threatened legal action against Bin Laden, unless he shares the profits and lets Simon Cowell be a judge. To Simon working with a murderer would not be a problem. "Some emotional stability would be nice for a change," said Cowell "And if Osama thinks he can push me around, let me say that I grew up in South London."
As one would expect, the CIA and the rest of the American government is shocked that people from a TV network could find Bin Laden and they could not. In a televised address, CIA Director, General Michael V. Hayden said, "We fucking give up. Good luck." But President Bush is not giving up. He wants the show canceled. "If we can't find him, at least we can cancel his TV show. That'll show'em."
Osama couldn't be reached for comment, but his spokesman said in a letter delivered by an albino, "Mr. Bin Laden is considering all options. He still wants to destroy America (after the DVD sales for Season 1 are in) and agrees South London is a tough place to grow up."
Reader Comments (1)
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