(Baghdad, IRAQ) Ahmed al-Akbar is a man with several problems. The world has yet not converted to Islam, Americans, and the Muslim traitors who work with them, walk freely in Iraq, and his lucky bullet is scratched.

Two weeks ago, when al-Akbar and his Al Qaeda buddies were cleansing an area, Al-Akbar found a “bad” Muslim and shot him (with his lucky bullet) in the head. “Now usually my lucky bullet will pass right through a traitor’s head like a warm knife through butter, but this guy’s brain was like a rock, and it scratched my bullet. It’s ruined.”

Al-Akbar added that since that shooting, his luck has gone south. None of the bullets he’s fired from his Russian made AK-47 will shoot straight, and as a result he lost his Al Qaeda job. Now with nothing to lose al-Akbar is using the only weapon available to him…the Iraqi court system.

Ahmed is suing the family of the “bad” Muslim he shot, claiming that the man’s hard brain destroyed his bullet and livelihood. “I deserve to be compensated for the loss of my lucky bullet. I've got mouths to feed and infidels to kill,” said al-Akbar.

“I think he might have a case,” said celebrity attorney Mark Garragos. “No matter what you might think about a man’s job, however heinous it might be to you, it is against the law to prevent that man from making a living.”

“This suit is great news," said American President George Bush. "This is a sign that Iraq is truly embracing democracy. They’re finally getting it. When things don't go your way. Don't give up, take someone to court.”

“I agree with the President and would add that al-Akbar's suit is definitely a sign of things to come,” said American Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. “And to show our support for the Iraqi court system, we’re sending a bible to every court to aid in the swearing in of witnesses.”

Secretary Rice might be right about al-Akbar’s suit being a sign. As of this morning, more than twenty lawsuits have been filed by Al Qaeda fighters against Muslim traitors for offenses ranging from the dulling of an ax to the stretching of a noose.

To Ahmed, the influx of new lawsuits is an Allah-send. “This means that Allah approves of my actions and the actions of my brothers. We will be victorious, or we will appeal.”