The following is a letter written by Joseph Stalin to Nazi Reichsmarschall Hermann Goering in March of 1946.

Reichsmarschall Goering,

How's prison life? Making any friends? Have you seen the latest Bogart picture? Forgive my poking fun at your position or don't. I don't care. This is not a friendly letter. No, I've got a few bones to pick with you Reichsmarschall.

I know you were instrumental in the final solution and the four-year plan to drive the Jews from the business and social world of the Reich. In fact I believe that you're the only person left who played a big part. That being the case, I just wanted to say that you and your homosexual, occult worshipping, goose-stepping buddies accomplished nothing. I mean, you call that a genocide? I'll show you a genocide.

You think you're evil? You think you're mean? You think you're tough? You're bush league Goering, BUSH LEAGUE! I'll show you real power, Russian power. What I'm going to do is make Adolf Hitler look like the prissy, pansy, nancy boy he really was.

I'm not going to do stupid stuff like put starving people in ovens and gas showers. I'm going to send my enemies to the north, feed them and make them work for the State until they drop dead on the spot. But that's just me. I'm a good manager. Something your Fuhrer never learned because he was too busy eating vegetables and masturbating to his niece's memory.

Also I'm not going to hide my killing. If my so-called Allied partners want to stop me, let them try. Trust me, they're too mired down in fancy trials and rebuilding Europe to care about a few million rotten apple Russians getting the axe.

So you poofter, with the time you have left, sit back and watch a real professional go to work. That's all I have to say. It's been a long day, and I need to purge someone.

Regards,

Joseph Stalin

PS: My nephew is a big fan and somehow got a hold of a letter you wrote to Hitler. Could you please autograph and send it back? Thanks a million!