(Denver, CO) Two weeks ago Terry Hilton, a stickler for punctuation and the office manager for the Denver based software company Cyber-Tablet, got an email that changed his life.

“It was a production update from our production manager Mindy,” said Terry becoming noticeably agitated. “It was very detailed. It was very clear. It was everything that it was supposed to be, except for the end where Mindy signed off, Thanks! And that’s where I lost it....I’ve told her many, many times to take it easy with the exclamation points, but she didn’t listen. And I don’t get it. Why the does she have to use the exclamation point to end every goddam email? What does that mean?…I’ll tell you what it means, it’s means, Hi, I’m Mindy, and I’m FUCKING UNPROFESSIONAL!!!”  

After pointing out that he had used the exclamation point correctly, Hilton said that Mindy wasn’t the only who had incorrectly used the EP. “There was Mike in accounting, Joanne in sales, Celia in research and really just about everyone else at the company. The offenses ranged from Thanks for the heads up!, Here’s the report you needed!  to Mike's got TOGO's coupons!…It was maddening, and I had to put a stop to it.”

Monday, Terry sent out a memo effectively banning the exclamation point from any company email. It read: If you value your job, you will never again end an email like this, Thanks!...Thanks.

Terry’s boss, George Smythe, said that he didn’t know about the exclamation point problem. “But after Terry told me how unprofessional things were, I was on board with the ban. And with all the time people wasted adding unnecessary punctuation, it's no wonder our profits were down last quarter.”

Everyone at Cyber-Tablet has accepted the ban. Everyone except Mindy. "I think that using exclamation points makes work more fun! They're like little hugs of encouragement!"

Terry thinks that Mindy and her ideas are stupid. And he's not in the minority. Nationwide, office managers, elementary school grammar teachers and even members of Congress agree about the waste and annoyance caused by the improper use of the exclamation point. “Do these people not realize what an exclamation point is for?” asked Louisiana Senator David Vitter. “It’s to show extreme emotion or volume. For example, Wow, I got laid!, or, That hooker has great cans!, or, Wow, I got laid by that hooker with great cans!…Is it so hard people?”

Next week, Senator Vitter plans to submit legislation banning the improper use of the exclamation point.

"That's great," said Hilton. "Finally this country can get it's goddam priorities straight....Suck it Mindy, Thanks!"