(Tampa, FL) A few weeks ago a study released by the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) stated that 25 percent or one quarter of adolescent girls are carrying Sexually Transmitted Diseases. And of course those hardest hit by the news were adolescent boys.

“This blows,” said Gary M., a 16 year-old high school junior. “I just got my license, and I was looking forward to getting some. But now I don’t know which skank at my school is clean. And I need to have lots of sex now, so I can learn how to please a woman...What am I supposed to do?”

Gary’s friend Ray, believes he has the answer. “We’re going to start banging the ugly teachers. Sure, anyone can go for the hot teachers, but they're got attitude and like guys with houses and stuff. The ugly ones are a better bet for us. They have lots a free time. They are disease free, and most importantly they are willing.”

Ray went on to say that it’s a win/win for everyone. And one teacher, Miss P., agrees. “First of all, it’s nice to have the company and second of all, I feel like I’m extending the boys' education from the classroom to my laundry room…I like to do it against the washing machine, while it's on the spin cycle. It gives me multiples.”

Gary recently had his first encounter with an ugly teacher, and he’s hooked. “I’ve learned way more sex stuff than I thought was possible. It’s amazing what one can do with some baby oil and a little patience. But the best part, besides the toe-curling orgasms, is that my grades have gone up!”

In fact, every teen boy, who started banging an ugly teacher, has seen his grades improve. Parents and other teachers are ecstatic. “Look, we don’t know what’s going on, and we don’t want to know,” said David Lite, the principal of Gary and Ray’s school. “We’re just glad that there are less teen pregnancies and less teen boys being left behind.”