(Cleveland, OH) From his two-bedroom apartment in Cleveland, Ohio, the self-proclaimed Satan Claus has announced his wish that everyone have a very Un-Merry Christmas. "Get it," said Satan Claus. "I said Un-Merry, because Santa says Merry, and I'm the opposite of him. So I say Un-Merry. It's kind of my thing."

Satan Claus, whose real name is David Berkowitz, created his evil alter ego for a Halloween costume contest in 2002. After winning first place in the contest, David quit his job and took to portraying Satan Claus full time. His critics however, wish that he would put the costume back into the closet or get his story straight.

"He doesn't make any sense. If Satan Claus is supposed to be the opposite of Santa Claus, why doesn't he call himself Bizarro Claus?" said a very single Santa and Superman historian Kris Clark Kringle.

"I'm not Bizarro Claus, because I am not a clone of Santa Claus, I'm his evil nemesis like, Lex Luthor," replied Satan Claus. "Also, my name is a play on words. I'm kind of a wordsmith. You could think of me like a George Carlin, but in a funny evil red hat."

"He's nothing like George, and I wish to hell that the son-of-a-btich would stop saying that he is," said Sally Wade, George Carlin's wife. "If he doesn't, I'm going to kick him in his funny evil red nuts."

 "I also would like to kick David in the nuts, unless he drops the Satan," said local Satanist Johnny Darkness. "He's giving Satan a bad name by being lame. Satan Clause is not evil at all. If he wanted to be evil, he should have kept his real name."

"Did Johnny really say that I'm not evil?" asked Satan Claus. "Well he is going to see what real evil is. I'm going to send him an autographed picture of me for Christmas without the autograph. That's evil, and that's kind of my thing. Satan Claus out!"