(Washington D.C.) For months we have been hearing that obesity along with a broken healthcare system are major threats to America’s economic survival. After months of saying NO to all of President Obama’s proposed solutions, today, the GOP released their plan.

It’s a plan that in the words of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, “will revolutionize the weigh Americans live”.

The proposed plan, titled The Slim Hips Initiative of 2009, will do just one thing. It will officially change the definition of a pound from 16 ounces to 20 ounces.

“Hot damn, this is our Waterloo….but in a good way,” said South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint.

“This is the silver bullet we’ve been looking for,” exclaimed the ecstatic House Minority Leader John Boehner. “Our plan will immediately help millions of Americans drop down to a healthy weight therefore solving both that pesky obesity problem and any need to reform healthcare.”

Boehner went on to explain how Slim Hips will work. “Say you’re an older, powerful yet still attractive man who tips the scales at an ugly 200 pounds…Well, thanks to the Slim Hips plan, that same man will weigh in at a svelte and sexy 160 pounds and theoretically fit into his old high school letter jacket….Sounds pretty sweet, right?"

RNC Chairman Michael Steele thinks Slim Hips is the shiznit, and he is positive that the Initiative will become law and give his party the much-needed momentum to take back the House and Senate in 2010. “Man this is a slam dunk, because we, the GOP and not my community organizing brother from Chicago, are finally offering the American people what they really want, to be thin.”

“And to think we accomplished this without raising taxes, without cutting spending or without really doing anything at all,” said House Minority Whip, Eric Cantor. “It’s amazing, just amazing.”