(Washington DC) Today the embattled Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, came clean about what she knew about the torturing of Al Qaeda detainees, and when she knew it.

“I want to tell the Republicans and the rest of the American people, that you got me. I knew about the waterboarding and all the other torture techniques the whole time. In fact, the torturing of those suspects was my idea,” said Pelosi. “And while we’re on the subject of things that were my idea - invading Iraq, giving Halliburton those no-bid contracts, putting steroids in baseball and anything that has hurt the Republican Party in the past 8 years – those were all my ideas. So there.”

Republicans and baseball players are celebrating.

“This is welcome news,” said Minority Leader John Boehner. “I knew I wasn’t incompetent on my own, and that it wasn’t my idea for me to look like a C. Thomas Howell in Soul Man.”

“Finally, FINALLY, I know why I do the crazy things I do,” said Manny Ramirez.

“Hold on, I’m confused,” said Minority Whip Eric Cantor. “So you’re telling me that I’m not responsible for making myself look stupid on TV and Nancy Pelosi is?…Really?…That's awesome!”

The blowback from Pelosi’s admission has yet to hit, but other people are already asking if Pelosi is responsible for their mistakes. “I’m not 100 percent about this, but I’m pretty sure Speaker Pelosi made me marry my wife,” said Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8. “At least I hope so.”