A Message To Republicans And Bernie Madoff, You Are No Longer Allowed To Say Nest Egg!
Thursday, February 12, 2009 at 08:02AM David Howard
A few years back, my wife and I took our nest egg and dropped out of society. We did it, because we were sick of the rat race and wanted to find ourselves. Today, thanks to the biggest financial shit-storm since Al Jolson was getting away with singing in blackface, a lot of good people are finding themselves being dropped out, without their nest egg. In fact, millions have no nest egg at all. And Why? Because the Republicans and a fella named Bernie Madoff scrambled them.
Republicans, you took this nation’s precious nest egg. A nest egg that I considered a friend, a guardian angel, and you gambled it away. You blindly broke it up, leaving the yolk in Iraq, the whites with the banks and the broken shells with us, the people. So, until you change your ways or Hell freezes over, you are no longer allowed to say nest egg or think about a nest or an egg. In fact, just stay the hell away from the letters, N-E-S-T and G.
Now Mr. Madoff, you are no better than the Republicans. You dropped the nest egg of a lot of good people, including Kevin Bacon. While the Republicans seem beyond redemption, I believe you are not. So if you ever want to say the words nest egg again, listen to an idea I have for you. And when I say I have an idea, let me add that I used to be a bigwig with a major advertising agency. I, little David Howard, was the Idea Man. So when I say that I have an idea, I’m not speaking like some former reality star walking in off the street.
Here’s the idea. You return the nest eggs! You give Bacon back his eggs! Brilliant! Right?
Imagine the good publicity you would get. Imagine the goodwill you would endear. People want a happy ending and you Bernie, could give it to them. Look, I even wrote a little jingle for you to use in a commercial. It goes like this: Bernie Madoff has heart! Bernie Madoff has heart! Bernie Madoff has heart! - Isn’t that something?
Go grab Kevin Bacon’s band, record that jingle today and return those nest eggs. Do not waste this chance Bernie like the Republicans have wasted theirs. Do it for me, do it for Kevin Bacon and do it for America. Thank you.
Reader Comments (6)
Ha!....Where's the Defending Your Life reference?
I have absolutely no sympathy for those who "invested" in Bernie Madoff. Either they were greedily hoping to cash in on his supposed stock market insider - (trading) - status or they were stupid enough to believe that his over-the-top returns were due to some magic or skill that nobody else possesses. Truth is, you could play darts and do better than most fund managers after you subtract all the fees anyway. It's just too bad that so many charities were hoping to cash in on him too. Now innocent people who depend on them are going without. They're the ones to feel sorry for.
It's so convenient to blame the Republicans for everything, ignorning the fact that the Democrats have controlled the House and Senate since 2006. By the way, up until 2006, my portfolio was doing well.
Coincidence? I think not.
Huh. Not a funny post this time Chris. Did you lose a few mill? Anyway, Bernie should be shot. Dead.Along with his wife who incidentally cashed in millions just before they "filed". Oh, and the SEC let them live in his luxury NY penthouse, during his bullshit house arrest. Oh, and they also "let" him send millions of dollars of gold to friends and family during his "house arrest". Oh, and the SEC (the assholes that we as US citizens have to pay) decided that his "investment" was above-board. For many years.Damn. 50 FUCKING BILLION. Damn, with all the tracking systems in place you don't think they know where the money went? Guess where? Yea, you got it bro.
Someplace where they have "secure banking",and I'm not talking about Switzerland.
If I go down and fill up my car and drive away with $40 worth of gas....what do you think the assholes in charge and the assholes that run the court systems will do with me even though I "tried to ripp off" EXXON, which has posted billions of dollars of profits the last 5 years??
Chris, we need a war, against the ones that are ripping us off. Now.
KJ,
Whoa...I didn't mean to get you upset...I'm just trying to make you and other people laugh a little....Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't...
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