Friday
05Sep
Jesus Endorses Libertarian Bob Barr For President…McCain and Obama Say WTF?
Friday, September 5, 2008 at 04:45PM 
“I know this might be a surprise to some,” said Jesus. “But at my core, I’m a Libertarian. That’s where my heart lies and that’s how I have to vote. I hope you can understand.”
Bob Barr, a former Republican Georgia congressman, was ecstatic and taken by surprise. “I’m speechless and uh, I don’t know what to say….I guess trying to live my life by The Golden Rule really worked. Thank you Jesus.”
Democratic juggernaut Barack Obama and Republican maverick John McCain were each rendered speechless by Jesus’ endorsement. When they were finally able to speak, all they could muster was, “What the fuck?”
But after a minute they got rolling. “Did he not see my speech?” asked an irritated Obama. “I filled an 80,000 seat stadium.”
“Did Jesus not see my speech?” asked a puzzled McCain. “I had a cool high tech green background.”
“Yes, I saw the speeches. I saw them before they were written. Look this endorsement was preordained. So let it go,” said Jesus.
“I won’t let it go, because this is about fixing the United States,” said Obama. “Pick me and let McCain retire to one of his 7, 8 or 9 kitchen tables.”
“I may have a few kitchen tables now,” answered McCain. “But I spent 5 years in a hole with no kitchen table or chair.”
“Yea and I spent three days in Hell fighting for your souls and the souls of every man, woman and child,” snapped Jesus. “So how about you lay the fuck off me and just run your campaign, huh?...Jesus, you would think by now, I would have earned the right to make my own decisions.”
The Son of God then hopped in a helicopter and flew to a Barr rally in Houston.
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Reader Comments (1)
I think I can safely say that I've never seen the son of God in a tux before.