Monday
29Sep
Kansas City Man Offers Women Stimulus Package Of His Own
Monday, September 29, 2008 at 08:06AM 
“That's fine, but no one is asking, what about the love?" said Finley. "And I don't mean the unattainable Hollywood movie kind of love, I mean mean the hot, sweaty, physical monkey kind of love. Where's that?”
The answer is, with Finley himself. Starting last Friday and going through the entire month of October, Finley is offering his love services, free of charge, to any woman in the Kansas City area (Proof of residency such as a current cable or phone bill will be required). “I’ll even toss in some free pictures and a monologue session…This is my version of a stimulus package, for women…I want to stimulate their loins with my package.”
Finley put an announcement in last Friday’s paper and the reviews of his stimulus package are in.
“It's a fantastic package, just what I needed,’ said Doreen Maguire, a 35 year-old bond trader. “I showed him my DirecTV bill and before I knew it, Christian had stimulated the hell out of me…twice. It was a delight, but what I really enjoyed was the monologue he taught me from LEGALLY BLONDE. It’s going to be great for my coworkers and parties!”
“I was skeptical when I walked in," said H. Smith, a 41 year-old bank manager for Washington Mutual. "My downstairs fun room has been closed for a couple years and Christian was not an eyeful or handful, if you know what I mean. But I’m definitely coming back. Christian turned out to be a grower, and he made my fun room stay up open way past normal business hours…Plus he said I had real talent to be a model!”
Finley says that so far his stimulus package has been a real hit. “But it's also been a lot of work and chafing. But I’m just glad that I'm able to help bring the love during these dark times. Because when it comes right down to it, all we have is each other and our packages.”
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Reader Comments (4)
I have a stimulus package myself, but no one seems interested. :(
Well Skip, that's because you are marketing to the wrong sex. See, if you went for the fat balding men with glasses, then you'd have plenty of interest. Take me, for example. Yes, take me. I'd love some stimulus. xoxo
No Dee,
I think Skip's got a winner with the way he is, and I take great umbridge at your remark that 'fat, balding men with glasses' can't stimulate the opposite sex.
I'm middle age, balding, but not fat (well, maybe a little too much heiniken), and ONLY wear glasses at night when I read, and the chicks dig me, and smile, or laugh ..I can never tell which.
But whatever- as a studly middle-age construction business owner I wanted to formally ask Skip: "Are you currently hiring"?
Kevin john is awesome. I've seen some of your other comments and you're hilarious.