(Mulberry, FL) Henry Fogerty, a 75 year-old retired substitute science teacher, has rocked the scientific community in Mulberry by claiming global warming is a hoax.

"You say global warming, and I say global schwarming!" said Fogerty while slipping on a pair of black fleece gloves. "Look at me. I need some goddam heat.”

Mr. Fogerty is so cold that he has put forth a proposition before the Mulberry city council asking them to burn more oil, gas and coal.

“Let’s get that greenhouse effect going!” screamed Fogerty.

Dr. Cliff Seymore, a local climatologist and part-time baker said global warming is an indisputable fact. “Henry Fogerty just needs another sweater. The reason he’s so cold is that he’s 75 years old. He has diminished circulation and diminished muscle mass."

“There is nothing wrong with my circulation or muscle mass,” said Fogerty. “Sure I’m lighter than I used to be, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m colder in 2008 than I was in 1958.”

Fogerty also said that if Dr. Seymore kept his hands off the cupcakes, he might not believe in the lie that is global warming. “All that fat is making him hot.”
 
"That is the just stupidest thing I have ever heard." blasted Dr. Seymore "While it's true that I may need to shed a few pounds, that has nothing to do with global warmig, which is a real threat.”

The Mulberry city council, with a median age of 73, does not agree with the good doctor/baker. Over the weekend they passed Fogerty’s proposition. And starting this week, Mulberry will double the amount of oil, gas and coal they burn in an effort to raise the town's temperature.

A dejected Dr. Seymore shrugged his shoulders. "If we keep up with this line of thinking, we're all doomed." Then after catching our glance to the chocolate cupcake in his hand he screamed. "What? Oh now I'm not allowed to have a treat? Really? Is that the way it's going to be? Fine, then you and this town can go suck it."