Kid Spies, Newest Weapon Against Al Qaeda, Iran And Billionaire Madmen

(Langley, VA) The world is a dangerous place, especially if you are a child growing up in the United States of America. Oh, you might be safe in your small town, but outside that town and the U.S. border, there are literally hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people (including Al Qaeda, Iran and billionaire madmen) who want you DEAD.

“That’s not going to happen,” said 10 year-old Billy Jones. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”

Starting next week, Billy, along with some other kids, will have a lot to say.

They’re going to be part of the CIA’s new program called the KSP, or Kid Spy Program. “Basically we’re going to be creating a bunch of little James Bonds, who will make the world safe for democracy and martinis,” said KSP director James Greer.

The kid spies, who will have OO (Double O) status, are excited to get to work. “Let’s go,” said Jones, who will be known as Agent OO1. “I’m ready to do the Jews a solid and get rid of Iran’s nuclear program.”

But are these kids really ready for the demanding life of an international spy? “If I can be president, they can be spies,” said George W. Bush. “These little patriots will get the mission accomplished.”

OO1 echoed Bush’s sentiments, but added that being a OO is not without its challenges. “The excessive drinking and killing of other human beings are easy. (His first was icing the fucker who used to steal his lunch money)…What’s challenging is the casual sex with secretaries, flight attendants and ex-Olympians turned assassins. I’m not really equipped for that part of the job, if you know what I mean. But I guess it’s just something I’ll have to grow into.”

After OO1 takes care of Iran, he’s going to find Bin Laden and then go to Monte Carlo in order to pull an ace on the flop and send the latest billionaire madman, "back to his mother’s teets…..Go USA!”