Monday
19May
Congress Declares Massive Oil Profits To Be Obscene But Oral Sex In Public To Be Okay
Monday, May 19, 2008 at 07:46AM 
(Washington D.C.) With oil and gas prices at an all time high, the oil companies are filling their coffers with tens of billions in profits, while leaving the American consumer with empty pockets. This morning the Democratic Congress took action. Led by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the legislators declared the oil companies’ massive profits to be obscene, but (in a bill originally sponsored by former Florida Representative Mark Foley) oral sex in public to be okay.
“What we’ve done today is tell the oil companies to stop fleecing this country,” said Pelosi. “And tell the American people to enjoy each other.”
President Bush said that the American people had no business enjoying each other. “They should be worried about getting blown to bits if a Democrat wins the White House.”
Executives from the oil companies say there is nothing obscene about their record profits or oral sex in public. “Why can’t we have both?” asked ExxonMobil chief Rex Tillerson.
“Because sir, it is obscene to profiteer during a wartime. And I know an obscenity when I see one,” said Senate Majority leader Harry Reid while looking out his office window. “Hey, I think the guy across the street has his winkie out…Is that Mark Foley?…Good for him.”
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Reader Comments (1)
wow, and we havn't yet gotten to the traditional August period of news reporting, known as the "Silly season"----gonna get real interesting this year---oooh yeahh.