(Pittsburgh, PA) I'm not sure how to write this, but Jesus Christ has returned! And he's in Pittsburgh! We got the word just an hour ago, that Jesus was tailgating in the parking lot of Heinz Field, the home of the defending Super Bowl Champions.

The media immediately surrounded the Savoir of Man and peppered him with questions. "Besides hanging in a football stadium parking lot, what are your plans for your Second Coming, a little judgment, some roughing up of evil?"

"Well after hanging with the fans, I plan to go in and watch the game," said the Messiah "And not to bum you out or anything, but this is not my Second Coming. Well okay, literally this is my Second Coming, but it's not THE Second Coming. I just came here to see my Steelers play. Okay?"

"Not the Second Coming? He's gotta be fucking kidding me," said Former Christian Coalition leader Ralph Reed "I don't get it. What about his glory? What about his followers getting to slaughter the unsaved masses in his name? What about that?"

President Bush, however, thinks it's the real deal, and he flew immediately to Pittsburgh, where he asked if he could sit at Jesus' right hand during the game. The Prince of Peace said no. "You see Raul here? He's a custodial engineer, who has really benefited from your tax cuts. He has the right seat. And Pittsburgh native and very funny man Dennis Miller has the left seat. And beside him is my sister Jenny. I don't have room for you on this one George. Sorry."

"Like I said today's all about The Steel Curtain baby! Now who wants another round, and who's turn is it to buy? Raul? Miller?...Mine? I thought I just bought...Okay, fine. You guys are lucky I'm in a forgiving mood today...Who am I kidding? I'm a forgiving mood everyday! Now let's go grabs some dogs and harass the Dolphins fans."