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    « Next Tiger Woods Wets Pants | Main | In 'Heaven Can Wait' Switcheroo Saddam Enters Tony Romo »
    Saturday
    Apr212007

    Barbaro Loses Battle With Leg, But Goes On To Win That Big Triple Crown In The Sky

    barbaroBig.jpg(Kennett Square, PA) Monday morning the sports world lost their beloved champion Barbaro, when he sadly bought the farm. The colt, who burst upon the scene last year by handily winning the Kentucky Derby, succumbed to the leg injury he suffered at the Preakness.

    But not every piece of news spinning around the lost winner was sad. At 6:17 E.S.T., a Vatican spokesman released a statement asking fans not to shed tears for Barbaro but raise their hands in cheers. "Barbaro has moved on to greener pastures," said spokesman Silvio Calipari, "And in fact, I've just received confirmation, that he has gone on to win the Triple Crown in the sky."

    "That comes as no surprise to me," said Barbaro's co-owner Gretchen Jackson. "Champions win wherever they are...I wish I could've seen it."

    While most people are glad to know Barbaro is succeeding in the next world, some are wishing he were still here, so they could kill him, again.

    "He's a bum. You here me? A bum!" said gambler and college drop out Jimmy McGinty. "I borrowed 10 grand and bet it that that dumb animal would not only survive his broken leg, but win the damn Triple Crown, down here!...I'm screwed!"

    McGinty is not alone. There seem to be a lot of people, who by placing bets on Barbaro, have found themselves at the business end of a Louisville Slugger. "I could sit here all day and say they're damn idiots," said Philadelphia loan shark/bookie Lenny Marcese, "but that would be bad for business. Instead, for all you Barbaro fans, I'm just going to say that the odds are very good that Barbaro might be pulling a Jesus and coming back from the dead...If fact, I'd call it a sure thing."

    When we tried to contact McGinty to ask him about the resurrection theory, a voice, much like Marchese's, answered and said that Jimmy had to go away forever....Well, at least Barbaro will have another friend with him in that winner's circle in the sky.

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