(Cleveland/OH and Austin/TX) Yesterday the voters in Ohio and Texas made a statement. They are not ready to go black. While some voters will say that it’s because once you go black you never go back, there’s another reason.

“We’re afraid of Obama’s big black uhemm, you know,” said Margaret W. a Cleveland mother of two. “It’s got to be much bigger and scarier than Hillary’s, and since I can barely handle my husband’s very white thingy, there’s no way I could handle Obama.”

“This isn't a race issue. It's a size issue, and I value my ability to walk way too much to start messing with a big black cock-a-doodle-do,” said Joanne K. a retired teacher from Houston. “I have friends who live in Illinois, Colorado and Missouri. They voted for Obama, and now they can't walk straight."

“I’m intrigued by Obama’s big black rock,” said Skip L. a Dallas area male model. “But I just don’t know if I’ve got the right stuff  to handle it. I make my living with my face, and I can’t afford to get stretch marks.”

When asked about the differences between Hillary and Obama on the issues of Iraq, the economy and universal health care, none of the voters we talked to could make a serious distinction.

“That stuff doesn’t matter,” added Margaret. “What matters is whether or not you want to take a chance on a big black inexperienced, you know. I don't. I can't afford it, and I don't think America can either.”

In other news, Senator John McCain, now the presumptive Republican nominee, wanted to remind everyone that he's got big huge brass balls.

Update on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 at 05:48PM by Chris

Late this afternoon, the Obama campaign unleashed a PR plan to woo back the voters in Ohio and Texas. It's called Operation Normal Sized Cock, and it was kicked off by a message from the candidate himself.

"I want to assure the voters of Ohio and Texas that they should not fear my...unit," said Obama. "I'm really quite normal, and the only really big thing I have is my brain...and my ideas. And those are the only things that I will beat you over the head with."

Obama's words seemed to have an immediate affect, as several voters expressed relief and a desire to hear some of those big ideas.

But the relief was cut short as Hillary shot back from Washington. "He's (Obama) lying folks. I've seen him in the Senate restroom, and let me say that his unit is way too much for you to handle. So just kick back and vote for me."

Again John McCain called a press conference, this time to remind the American people that he was also a man with man parts.