(Boise, Idaho) The dark spectre of sexual ambiguity has again descended upon Republican Senator Larry Craig, who was arrested on June 11th by a plainclothes police officer investigating complaints of lewd conduct in a men's restroom at the Minneapolis airport.
But everything’s okay, says Craig.
“I just want everyone in Idaho to know that I am as straight as an Indian arrow, and that just because someone might suck a little Thingamajig doesn’t make that person a Watchamacallit,” said the Senator while standing next to his wife/beard.
While Craig’s declaration may seem sincere, “It doesn’t ring true to me,” said former straight as an Indian arrow Congressman Mark Foley. “For years I told people that I wasn’t a Watchamacallit. In fact I told them that being a Watchamacallit was a sin against humanity. But the whole time I was wolfing down Thingamajigs like there was no tomorrow.”
“Me too,” said former righteous and straight as an Indian arrow evangelical pastor Ted Haggard. “And let me add this. If it looks like a Watchamacallit, walks like a Watchamacallit, talks like a Watchamacallit and sucks a Thingamajig like a Watchamacallit, it’s a Watchamacallit.”
Some Craig supporters are thinking the Senator might be Acey Deucey. “Maybe he likes Thingamajigs and Hoo-haws,” said Boise resident Clark Hendricks.
“Yeah, that guy’s on to something,” said Craig. “Maybe I do like Thingamajigs and Hoo-haws. And maybe I need to go to a Thingamajig rehab center and restrict myself to an all Hoo-haw diet, like Jesus intended…But first I could really go for a Watchamacallit, the candy bar. Do they still make those?”