Local Reporter Shows Empty Ring Finger For The 200th Time

(Des Moines, IA)  Last night the Republican candidates for President of the United States debated in New Hampshire. And in Des Moines, Iowa Megan Rigg, a reporter for WHO-TV Channel 13, showed her empty ring ringer for the 200th time.

While Governor Mitt Romney, Senator John McCain and Mayor Rudy Giuliani pitched themselves as the perfect candidate for 2008, Megan was not so subtlety pitching herself as the perfect wife in 2007.

“It’s got to stop,” said WHO-TV’s assistant news manager and single woman Jenny Crocker “It’s unprofessional and unfair…She’s so damn thin.”

Megan Rigg says that she was just reporting the news of the night. “I was doing my job. And if certain pushy pudgy persons want to think that by holding the mic with my ring less left hand, I’m advertising for a husband, fine. I don’t care…I don’t have time for critics. I have a life to live and some jazzercise, sewing and baking to do.”

“She’s such a liar,” said Crocker “Megan doesn’t know how to jazzercise, sew or bake. All she does is put the ready-to-bake cookies in the oven. And she burns them. Me, I’ve won the Des Moines bake-off with my blueberry cobbler four years in a row. My last name is Crocker. What else would you expect?”

“Did I mention, that I can tie a two cherry stems into a perfect bow with my tongue,” added Rigg “and that Jenny has 10 cats?”

Jeremy Donner, general manager of WHO-TV, told TLN that the infighting between the two women is starting to affect station morale. “Their behavior is forcing me to make some tough decisions,” said the recently divorced Donner “As of Monday, Miss Crocker will be transferred to our sister station KGAN in Cedar Rapids, and there will be long-stem cherries in the break room.”