After Captain America's Death, Captain Chaos Fills Void

(Burbank, CA) Last week superhero and super American Captain America was gunned down in front of a courthouse. His death has left many to think that with only a hundred or so super heroes left in the United States, who will step in to fill his particular hero niche?

Dun dun DUNNNN!!... Captain Chaos!, as played by veteran comic actor and all around jolly fellow, Dom DeLuise.

"Dom DeLuise? I don't know a Dom DeLuise," said Captain Chaos while striking a pose for a camera that wasn't there. "I only know Captain Chaos, protector of the innocent and seducer of the attractive!"

Captain Chaos promises to pick up where Captain America left off before he was gunned down. "But after lunch of course," said Chaos. "What does everyone think of Italian? Doesn't a nice plate of spaghetti sound good?"

Not to Marvel Comics. They are putting as much distance between themselves and Captain Chaos as they can. "Captain Chaos is not the replacement that Joe (Simon) and Jack (Kirby) wanted for their creation, Captain America," said Marvel's CEO Isaac Perlmutter "In fact, we here in the Marvel universe do not think anyone can replace Captain America, certainly not Captain Chaos. Who, as far we know, is not even a real captain."

"He might not be a real captain, but he's a real lifesaver," said super actor and American Burt Reynolds. "I think if we would have pulled old Chaos out of the closet sooner, this whole Iraq thing would have been over years ago...But what do I know, I thought Boogie Nights sucked and a Cop And 1/2 sizzled."

Whatever criticisms come his way, Captain Chaos vows to make a difference in the lives of every American.

"And I'm going to start with the wait staff down at the Olive Garden...I just can't get enough of their never ending salad bowl or those delicious breads sticks!...Chaos out!"