(Van Nuys, CA) The collapse of the economy is hitting Wall Street, Main Street and every street in between. No one knows that more that Kyle, an old cock ring, who was recently let go from his cock hugging job of seven years.

"I don't know what I'm going to do," said Kyle. "I have no home that I own, no real savings and no cock."

Kyle's not alone, besides all the people at Lehman Brothers, GM and eBay,

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(Nashville, TN) Sarah Palin is about just the most adorable Vice Presidential candidate in United States history. Right?

Wrong…that distinction goes to Elbridge “Sweet Legs” Gerry back in 1812. However, today in 2008, Palin has Joe Six-Pack thinking she’s the cat's meow…but is her image a mirage?

“You’re darn tootin’ it is. That moose hunter is stealing my act!” fumed country music superstar Reba McEntire.

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(Washington D.C.) Saturday morning Tony Wilson, a homeless former school teacher, was the happiest he’d been in months. Congress had finally taken action to help the drowning economy by passing the 850 billion 700 billion bailout and he had found a half-eaten bagel with no spit on it. “That’s pretty rare man, pretty rare,” said Tony. “Something tells me that today’s going to be a good day.”

After Wilson devoured the bagel and some leftover coffee, also sans the spit, he talked excitedly about the bailout. “The infusion of capital should really help stabilize things, you know?

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(Provideniya, Russia) Governor Sarah Palin, the Republican Vice Presidential nominee, has said that she can see Russia from her house. Across the Bering Strait in Provideniya Bay sits the town of Provideniya, Russia and its mayor Dimitri Andropov. He says that he can see Palin showering from HIS house. “And it is very nice.”

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(Kansas City, MO) “It’s the economy stupid,” is all that 35 year-old acting coach/photographer Christian Finley has heard for the last two weeks.

“That's fine, but no one is asking, what about the love?" said Finley. "And I don't mean the unattainable Hollywood movie kind of love, I mean mean the hot, sweaty, physical monkey kind of love. Where's that?”

The answer is, with Finley himself.

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(Washington DC) Lehman Brothers is bankrupt, AIG has been swallowed up by the Federal government and Washington Mutual was sold to JP Morgan Chase. The American economy is in poor shape. And the American people are ducking for cover. Lucky for them, President George W. Bush is providing that cover.

This morning the President made an unprecedented speech from the floor of Congress. “People of America, people of the planet Earth, everything is okay. I’ve taken care of the economy.

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(Scranton, PA) “I don’t know which one I want,” were Scott Mayfield’s first words. He was 14 months old and couldn’t decide between apple juice or chocolate milk.

30 years later, things haven’t changed much. Scott still has trouble making up his mind.

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(Wichita, KS) Michelle Roberts, 33, is an independent woman. She owns a small hair salon, her own house and five adorable dogs. She lives her life by her rules. So when it comes to love, Michelle is the decider.

“Just last week, my former lover Jerry (35 and also the owner of a hair salon) gave me a key to his house, calling it the Bridge To His Junk…But I said Thanks But No Thanks to Jerry's junk and effectively killed that bridge.”

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This past week I was lucky enough to be awarded twice...First I was given the Arte Y Pico by The HumorSmith Chronicle. Then I was given the Brillante Weblog by DadThe Dude. Here are the rules for each award, and my winners.

Here are the rules once you receive this award:

1.) Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material & overall contribution to the blogger community.

2.) Post the name of the author & a link to his or her blog so everyone can view it.

3.) Each award winner has to show the award & put the name & link to the blog that has given him or her the award

4.) The award winner & presenter should post the link of the "Arte y pico" blog so everyone will know the origin of the award.

5.) Post these rules

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(Washington D.C.) Thursday, President Bush finally emerged from the White House to talk to the American people about the current financial crisis.
 
“Look, I know that we’re in a bit of a bind here. And I’m sure that a lot of you are worried about this non-recession, non-depression thing that’s happening. But as your President, let me say this…Don’t worry about me, worry about you, because I’m okay. I got plenty of money.”

“I got oil money, Texas Rangers money and money that I don’t really know where it came from money,” added Bush.

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